The Mechanics of Failure

A small fault starts, unseen at first, easily missed, a stress is applied, back and forth, to and fro, fatigue and creep, building slowly, you hardly know, finding its way, increasing in size, taking over, gathering speed, the structure fails, suddenly torn, catastrophic, an enormous crack that signals the end. 

What's it in for, he asked. Chassis extension, I told him. What, to a tractor unit with a bonnet, what's it going to be pulling, a caravan? No, I said, it's to make a rigid, a beaver tail plant carrier. Oh. Why? He said.  Never mind why, I told him, what are you all of a sudden, 'Mr Workshop'? No, he said, sheepishly, I'm 'Mr Office'. Right, I said, winking at him, tell DH (Mr Workshop) to get on it as soon as. He's short this week, he said, two off and plenty of regular customers in for urgent work. Get the boy to do the welding, I told him, he's two years with us now; his welding's okay. Right, he said, tucking into a Tupperware pot containing a meagre looking salad. I'll be out for the rest of the day, I informed him. Right, he said, winking at me. Oh, and I won't be about 'till the end of the week, either, I said. Don't forget you'll be needed after that, he reminded me, DH is taking a long weekend.

The Boss says The Boy can do it, he tells Mr Workshop. The Boy? Mr Workshop says, he can barely dress himself, let alone build a chassis. The Boss said he's okay, Mr Office says, and apparently all the bits are here already, and he knows you are busy. If that's what The Boss wants, Mr Workshop says, I'll try to keep an eye on it. Axle stands are in place; the cutting and welding kit is assembled close by. I need a hand with the timing, says Tech 1; that bearing is weeping again, says Tech 2; the diagnostics are not connecting says Tech 3. Mr Workshop drains oil and changes filters, servicing as he passes by, moving from bay to bay, and back again, all the time answering the calls of his technicians. The Boy's voice is not heard. Tea is taken on the move; lunch is a squeezed, gulped sandwich, oozing its filling over oily hands. The Boy cuts. The Boy measures. The Boy positions. See what you think; says Tech 1; give us a hand, says Tech 2; look at this, says Tech 3. The Boy welds. The Boy drills. The Boy assembles. Mr Workshop wipes his brow with his sleeve; Mr Office answers the phone. The days pass in the blink of an eye. We seemed to have survived intact, Mr Workshop tells Mr Office. I haven't stopped, Mr Office says, the phone just rang and rang; all those invoices; the spares I've ordered in the last few days! The workshop! Says Mr Workshop, we haven't had a moments rest. You've managed to complete all the work? Mr Office asks. All the technicians' jobs are signed off, Mr Workshop says, proudly. The lads did really well, every last one of them.

How did the chassis job go? I asked him. DH told me it went okay, he said. He signed off all the work. I'll have a look at it, I said. Too late, it's gone out, they took it for plating earlier. Oh, I said. How long did it take? Don't know, he told me, we were very busy; the Boy spent all his time on it. The Boy? The Boy!  I said. You said he could do it, he said. I told you he could do the welding; welding what bits he was told to, I said. Oh, he said. Oh? I said, Are you telling me The Boy did the whole job, alone, by himself, unsupervised? Oh dear, he said. Oh God, I said. Did he use the correct cross members on the ladder: pressed and box section for bending loads and tubes for twisting? Did he use enough flitch plate material to strengthen the rails - the frame? Did he use bolted joints to relieve stresses in some members, and weld sympathetically for torsion in the chassis. Did he consider how bolted and riveted joints become crack arresters? Did he consider stress concentrations when he drilled into the chassis rails? Oh dear, he said.

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It failed, they tell The Boss, the Tester said there was cracking and some of the body's mounting bolts had sheared already, so The Boss gets it back in the workshop and tells Mr Office to get on the phone to the customer and tell them there is a delay due to the volume of work and The Boy and the Boss get the plans out and the alignment kit and dismantle, cut and unbolt and then The Boy and The Boss measure, weld and bolt, and Mr Office deals with the phone.

And they stop for lunch, and they sit down together for tea, and they relax and talk -  for as long as it takes.