Spotted

We're driving along a quiet coast road that's also bordered by a railway line. My good lady spots a group of men in anoraks, all fondling binoculars and notebooks. They're waiting for something; hoping that whatever it is will soon appear and make their lives just a little more complete, on this day at least. “Stop”, she yells. It's a command I cannot ignore. We pull over and she rushes back along the road to the group, not even remembering to close the car door such is her concentration, her devotion, her passion. My wife, you see, is a birder. Is this is a twitch she just can't ignore? Is it an unfortunate sea bird blown in from some far away shore; a poor creature who should by rights never touch English sand? No. In no time at all she slumps back into the passenger seat beside me. “Train spotters” she exclaims. “Train spotters”, she repeats, incredulously. “Train spotters”. There it is again, only now she's shaking her head in disbelief. “What is the point?” She says, as we drive off leaving the anoraks staring along the rails; happy, oblivious.

Meet Roger, he collects small pieces of paper no bigger than a postage stamps. Well, that's because they are postage stamps, if they weren't they would be just small pieces of paper no bigger than postage stamps, and who would collect those? Well, I bet someone would. But what would be the point, at least stamps represent something: far off places, travel, history, great people, important events from a particular time and place. Collecting small pieces of paper could be nice, though. You could divide them into different categories: colours and materials, for example, glossy, newsprint and so on. And put them into binders labelled, 'Small pieces of paper, waste bin, European, 2010 onwards'. Used stamps are themselves just old small pieces of paper, they're useless, they no longer serve any purpose. Except that it's nice to collect them.

Alan is obsessed with Eddie Stobart. He not only collects models of the famous fleet of trucks, he buys anything related to the company. Alan has a room in his home dedicated to Stobart, it's filled with posters, books and even toys bearing the 'Stobart' logo. He is particularly keen to acquire the names the company gives to each of its vehicles. He's often seen standing on motorway bridges close to where he lives, hoping to photograph a passing Stobart lorry; hoping to write down another name. Holidays are spent in part travelling the country's motorways from service station to service station, lorry park to lorry park in the heady anticipation of seeing and recording. Alan is so dedicated to the pursuit of all things Eddie Stobart, you would think his life depended on on it.

I think, over the years, I've accumulated tools for just about every conceivable job you could come across in a truck workshop. I've even got Whitworth sockets. There are quarter, three-eights, half inch, and three-quarter drive ratchets; and spanners of all sorts, too many to mention. They're good kit too, Smap-on and Britool, and I literally love them all. I keep them in tool chests that take up half a wall at one end of the shop; chests that cost an arm and a leg. And I know where every tool is, what shelf, in which drawer. They are all clean and oiled, and laid out neatly. I'm very particular about that: I don't like disorder and I don't like corrosion of any kind. With my tools I can deal with anything that comes along; complete any job; put food on the table.