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Friday, April 10, 2015

Just a Minute

Hello, and welcome to Just a Minute, the panel game where contestants are asked to speak on a given topic for just one minute without repetition, hesitation or deviation. In today's election special our panel consists of Labour, Conservative, Lib Dem, Green, SNP and UKIP. So, without further delay lets begin, and we'll start with you, Labour. A minute, please, then, Labour, on the subject of... economic recovery.

Buzz

And that's an interruption straight away from Conservative, even before Labour has had a chance to speak. Unusual to say the least. And the reason, Conservative?

Conservative: Deviation. Labour talking about economic recovery.

Ha, ha, ha. Very funny, Conservative, but that's your opinion and because of that not in the rules of the game. So, Labour, 60 seconds on economic recovery, beginning, again, now.

Labour: A Labour government  will make an economic recovery that is felt by all, not just the wealthy. We‘ll make the better off pay their fair share while the less fortunate contribute less...

Buzz

An interruption by UKIP, and the reason UKIP, please.

UKIP: Repetition of the word, less. '… less fortunate contribute less'.

Yes, a repetition indeed. So, UKIP, you have the remaining 44 seconds to talk about economic recovery, starting, now.

UKIP: As we have said on many occasions...

Buzz

That's an interruption by Conservative.

Conservative: Repetition. They admit it themselves, 'as we have said on many occasions...'

Ha, ha, but not a repetition within the minute allowed here and, therefore, again your interruption is not within the rules of the game. UKIP, please continue, you have 40 seconds on the subject of economic recovery.

UKIP: By restricting immigration we'll be able to safeguard services like the NHS...

Buzz

Yes, SNP, you interrupted on the subject of economic recovery. 

SNP: Deviation. Has UKIP been in hospital lately? The NHS wouldn't be able to operate without the immigrants that staff it.

A point taken, so I think we'll allow your interruption, SNP. You now have 35 seconds on economic recovery, beginning... now.

SNP: The SNP in Westminster will ensure continued recovery by not allowing England to break away from Scotland in any future referendum. Providing all services, free of charge, to the most deserving - and in some exceptional cases, to those outside Scotland – and by taxing the English... I mean, the rich, SNP will...

Buzz

Conservative, another interruption but this time a clear hesitation, I think, so Conservative you now have 20 seconds to tell us, please, all about the economic recovery.

Conservative: Economic recovery is all about a combination of creating the right environment for business to flourish and reducing debt, so we can spread wealth through full employment and have money to spend on services...

Buzz

Labour, you interrupted.

Labour: Yes, deviation. Full employment? Under a Tory government this has meant zero hours contracts. That, by definition, surely, is not 'full' employment.

Well, an interesting point..., which I think we'll allow on this occasion. Labour, you now have 10 seconds left on the subject of economic recovery...

Labour: We would do away with the zero hours contracts that have become the norm for many under this administration, not only are they damaging the...

Buzz

UKIP, an interruption from you. And tell us, if you would, please, why you interrupted Labour: is it, deviation, hesitation or repetition?

UKIP: Deviation. Labour has always supported zero hours contracts, it's just that back in the 70s they were called strikes. I remember turning up for work only to be told to go home, or not being allowed into work because...

Yes, but that's not quite what...

UKIP: OK, what about the Union run print works and docks, they sent...

Thank you, UKIP, that's as it may have been, but today we're talking of something completely different. Labour, you have 5 seconds remaining to talk to us on the subject of economic recovery.

Labour: A Labour Government would not only limit these unfair practices but also...

Ding

Well, there's the bell, so, congratulations Labour you have completed the first 60 seconds on our Just a Minute election special. Now, 60 seconds, if you would, Green, on another very important election subject. A minute, please, on the subject of... immigration.

Green: Red and yellow and pink and green, orange and purple and blue, I can see a...


Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz...

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